At least let me get in with you so we can go out like Thelma and Louise. I'm just as depressed as you are right now, so come on,
can we talk this through first?
With the Magic basically handed a golden opportunity to improve their team, they again took the road less traveled and screwed
up. I watched the draft with a couple of buddies, and as the draft unfolded, things just kept getting wilder and wilder. The
Toronto Raptors threw the first curve ball and selected Charlie "I have as much heart as I
have eyebrows" Villanueva about nine picks too high at 7 (who one of my buddies calmly referred to as the next Tim Duncan, which
effectively silenced the room and almost got him kicked out of the draft party. I'm serious, we almost threw him out like DJ Jazzy Jeff
on "Fresh Prince").
Then Golden State threw a slider and picked Ike Diogu at 9. The Lakers took Andrew Bynum, the first high schooler they've
selected in forever at 10, and I thought to myself, "The Magic choose next and with Sean May, Danny Granger, Hakim Warrick, and oh yeah
Gerald Green still on the board, the Magic can't possibly mess this up. John Gabriel could make this pick in his sleep."
Then this: "With the 11th pick in the 2005 NBA draft, the Orlando Magic select... Fran Vazquez!"
Wait, what?
Who?
And with that, the room grew quiet.
If you're scoring at home, things went a little something like this: "Let's see, we've got the next Zach Randolph, the next
Rashard Lewis, a better Stromile Swift, and the next
Tracy McGrady all available to us at 11...nah, we're good, we'll take
Pat Garrity reinvented; Give us Fran Vazquez." I could barely stand up, let alone
speak after that pick. I felt like Redd Foxx on "Sandford and Son."
"E'Lizbith! This is the big one! I'm coming home!"
So for the rest of the night, I sat there trying to figure out what the heck the Magic were thinking. How could they pass up FOUR
potential stars in favor of a player that looked smaller than my...left leg (I was going to say something else, but this is a family
column)? With three stars still on the board, and the next McGrady slipping and sliding more than a black man on ice, the Magic again
went against the grain.
They were essentially given a gift last night. The Raptors and Warriors made back to back idiotic picks, and the Lakers took a
17 year old center. We were ready to setup our franchise for the next 10-15 years. And who do we choose? Fran Vazquez. I almost couldn't
sleep last night. And to those with delusions that Vazquez is going to be the next Pau Gasol, you've got another thing coming. NBA
DraftExpress considers his potential range as a cross between Marcus Camby and Francisco Elson. Wait, let me go throw up right quick.
Quick pop quiz: Name the last Magic prospect other than
Dwight Howard who actually panned out to anything other than a victory cigar at
the end of blowouts? Go ahead, think about it. I'll wait.
(Cue the Jeopardy music!)
....
...
..
.
Times up. What's the answer? NO ONE!
Not Jeryl Sasser, not
Steven Hunter, not Rashard Griffith, not
Reece Gaines, not
Ryan Humphrey. Heck, not even
Johnny Taylor or
David Vaughn. The Magic have NEVER selected a project player through the draft
and developed them into a quality player. As for Howard, the one guy who actually got through to him (Clifford Ray) was fired in favor of
Mark Bryant. Mark Bryant. Hold on, I think I need to go throw up again.
I can't believe it. I just can't believe it. I can't believe the Magic would be that stupid. I wouldn't mind choosing Vazquez so
much if the Magic decided to trade down to get him or if better, more proven players weren't available. The Magic actually said they had
him ranked second in their draft board, just behind Channing "Soft as Charmin" Frye. Figures!
When they took like two extra minutes more than the allotted time to announce the pick, I thought, maybe they're trying to decide
if they want to go Granger, May, or Green. I mean it was a difficult situation. But no. I think they were actually trying to convince
David Stern over the phone that Vazquez was really their pick. I can picture Stern and Dave Twardzik having this exchange:
Stern: "You want who? But Sean May, a reigning national champion, is still on the board. You know I hate high schoolers, and even
I know Gerald Green would be a better fit for you guys, especially since you traded Tracy. You sure you want to make this pick?"
Twardzik: (Cue company line) "Yes Dave. We feel like he's going to be a great fit for our team. We're so surprised that he
slipped this far. We really think highly of him. We definitely want to take him."
Stern: "You're just looking for someone to hang out with Pat Garrity."
Twardzik: "Yeah, then there's that!"
Otis Smith: (Being bound and gagged in the background) We cant Green. Don't listen to him Dave, we want Gerald Green. Green
damnit!
I seriously don't know how I can continue to be a Magic fan after this past season. First they give away a tradable commodity
(Cuttino Mobley) for the Christie Effect (Doug and his insane wife Jackie...a
combo platter), then they decided to re-hire
Brian Hill instead of Flip Saunders or Eric Mussleman, effectively forcing John
Weisbrod to give up six figures as team general manager for a job that doesn't even exist. Then they promote Twardzik and Smith to Co-GMs
instead of going out and finding one qualified man to do the job.
And now, instead of going with proven commodities, they again decide to rock the boat. They could have had a great frontline
teammate with May to go along with Howard. They could have had a good defender and shooter in Granger to replace Christie. Or they could
have had the next McGrady after basically trading him away last year for spare parts. But no, they go with another project, even though
they've never proven to actually be able to develop a player.
I never thought I would say this, but I'm bringing out my Magic fan contract. I'm going to start looking for a loop hole. There's
got to be something in there about being able to leave the team based on too many organizational mistakes without being considered a
bandwagoner. I actually might become a
San Antonio Spurs fan. At least their organization cares about their fans. This organization
is just buying time until the Kansas City arena is complete.
After last night, I'm almost compelled to support that move; I'll carry boxes for them if they want. At least then, I won't be
strung along like Thelma in that movie. I feel like she felt after Brad Pitt slept with her and ran away with all of her money.
